From the “I’m just the messenger” Department: A headline, as seen on the Newseum’s news ticker:

"despite the best efforts of actor Steven Seagal..."

“The head of a U.S. congressional delegation to Russia says it learned little about what could have been done to prevent the Boston Marathon bombings, despite the best efforts of actor Steven Seagal.”

I’m adding “despite the best efforts of actor Steven Seagal” to the end of every lede I write from now on:

“Thousands of storm-ravaged homes are without power in New Hampshire this hour, despite the best efforts of actor Steven Seagal…”

“New Jersey US Senator Frank Lautenberg died today, despite the best efforts of actor Steven Seagal…”

Or, how about this: “A style of traditional Chechen dance will never be the same, despite the best efforts of actor Steven Seagal…”