Death Sentence
"Having avenged his family, Cyborg Kevin Bacon and his half a teaspoon of remaining blood drive home to watch 'America's Funniest Home Videos.'"
FoxTrap
"Foxtrap" is most easily broken into three chapters: 1) there's Fred Williamson, 2) there's a few other characters, 3) Fred Williamson kills the other characters.
Cocaine Cowboys
The late 70s. Drugs. Terrible rock music. Jack Palance. Andy Warhol. Even more terrible disco music. A nerd getting doused in baby powder by a semi-nude maid. I'd go on, but this frightening description is making Cocaine Cowboys sound more interesting than it actually is.
Galaxis
The lady from Ace of Base is out for justice!
Truck Turner
While it's got a lot of the trappings of your run of the mill blaxploitation film, it's more than just a Superfly knockoff starring the guy who wrote the theme from "Shaft." It's Truck Turner, and if you'll pardon my ridiculous movie critic pun, this Truck is no ordinary ride.
Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe
Chaos theory is now writing movie scripts!
No Holds Barred
Hogan's character is the Flying Nun with a receding hairline and overactive salivary glands.
VD Attack Plan
I remember that fateful day in fifth grade, when the girls went with a female teacher and we boys went with the principal and we had frank, earthy discussions about our changing bodies...
Penitentiary III
Evil Anthony Geary is depraved - what's "roughing a guy up" compared to hiring a dong-chomping maniac as your enforcer?
Transylvania 6-5000
Transylvania 6-5000 is sort of the filmic equivalent of a late 80's Rod Stewart record- there's a whole lot of talent there, but you sure ain't gonna see it.