Table Saws: The Whirr of the Oppressed Creature
The list of opiates for the masses also included team tennis, wet cardboard, "Honky Cat" by Elton John and the "Elbows of the Bay City Rollers" trading card set.
Love And Patrick McGoohan Are Waiting There In My Beautiful Balloon
Flying balloons are colorful and friendly; they're all about fun. Contrast them with underwater balloons, which are scary and keep attacking Patrick McGoohan.
You’ll Need a Funnier T-Shirt To Help Those Underprivileged Kids
You could create a donkey-shaped fanny pack that says "I saved my ass - let me save yours."
Life Ain’t Nuttin But Matthew Lesko, Nuns and Money
The other way to get rich is to become a nun. They throw money around like it was going out of style.
Craftsman: Trust In Your Cats
When the cat comes up the stairs with insulation she's really saying, "Have you considered the energy-saving benefits of blown cellulose, installed with Craftsman tools from Sears?"
When Raisin Commandos Take Milwaukee
"Wisconsin is mostly in ruins, and most of its territory is controlled by raisin warlords (although I'm pretty sure a pear runs Green Bay)."
Life: Poor Graphics, Bad Gameplay and a Weak Ending
"The other way to succeed is to have a safe fall on your head. But that only works if you're one of the Three Stooges."
The Lonesome Death of the Saturday Night Bath
America once cherished a tradition of washing a week's worth of grimy manual labor off, layer by layer, in a foamy fury of soap and water. What happened? The entertainment of the 1970's, that's what.
You’re Not My Friend, Facebook Friend
"What was the question? People who don't have the time of day for you? Sounds rough, man, would help but I've got this thing I'm supposed to do."